kenneth is not a grumpy old man

although he does seem to think he is! but the time I spent in the US of A with him has proven more to myself than I think it has to him, that he is anything but. nobody who can influence upon those he loves in ways beyond measure should be allowed to feel self-defeated or worthless because he has already done more good than most can, or will bother to try to.

i am in love with a gentleman, an officer, and an amazing person whose sense of self has not ceased to astound and amuse me; there are so many things I have not come to find out about kenneth, and I'm further intrigued like this, to keep on finding out, and trying. I need my boyfriend with me, but I think he needs me to be there For Him even more - and that I promise i'll try to do.

I may not be the best boyfriend, and sometimes I cannot completely fathom the way he works. but it is our differences that draws us closer.

I love him for so many reasons, especially that I have new reasons to love him for everyday.

and I hope that I can only be enough for him (:

Benjamin

a great way to sulk

drastic time zone differences alone are starting to drive me a little nuts, although the ritual of post- and pre- bedtime conversations does encompass a saccharine sentimentality, that i like to carry with me through my waking hours. today marks the first week we've been apart: and it's all falling apart, for me. i cannot even deal with a week of your absence, what more a year? this is just me, being pathetic.

i cannot explain the tears: this is nothing like me, really! i am usually a boy, rational in fullness. a fort around my heart, so that i cannot be hurt or moved. now, i am but an operation running on memories of starbucks, a skyline, and sweet conversation. the sneak-glances at you - your face half-lit by the flickering, changing scenes of red cliff. a cheeky grin across my face by this time! or mayhaps it's remembering the ride home, and that light pat on my back you sprang on me, right before i got off, that summed it all up, said it all: tag, you're it!

when i see my pc, i find myself hoping he thinks white-spottie red undies are cute. before hoping even more that he's got them on right then. maybe, despite the stretch that it is, you might have hidden yourself in mandai. and then i would know to find you. and you know i would, if you had. surely.

you tagged me, and it's my turn now! but you're an ocean, and volcanoes away from me.

i've never slept this soundly.

tomorrow, i will awake - hopefully, to you.

and these words, i will say:

I love you. tag, you're it.